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- Acknowledging and accepting the real feeling of the moment and immediately using it to deal with the present issue. (Not judging or rationalizing or denying the “gunnysacking”).
- Ownership of my ‘old tapes’ and taking responsibility for monitoring their effect on my present relationships and interactions and shifting my focus to the present situation/person.
- Differentiation of sex and bonding–different needs to be met. Physical closeness with emotional openness with my partner and others.
- Emotions are real and valid–don’t have to have a logical reason for having an emotion.
- You and I may not be in the same place–emotionally or perceptually–at the same time and that fact doesn’t make either one of us “wrong” or “bad.”
- Importance of letting myself move at my own pace–and giving you the same freedom.
- Having several people to meet my bonding needs takes pressure off my primary relationship, need to develop my own “extended family.”
- Gaining an appreciation of my own history–the positive aspects I may have taken for granted in the past.
- Bringing my feelings into the relationship–knowing them first and then expressing them to you–permits true sharing of our lives together and, while scary, builds trust.