Okinawa | February 13, 2016
Hi Honey, I appreciate you talking to me. Even when things suck, even when I have been an ass, even when there is nothing to say, even when you want to scratch my eyeballs out. I appreciate you making the time and effort to talk to me.
I didn’t do a damn thing today. I didn’t even leave the room. Having said that, I thought about what happened last night and I keep coming back to what I said. You made me mad, but I handled it like a child, not an adult. That is what I think the major problem is with us. One of us (okay, ME) acts like a child when we don’t get our way, or hear what we want, or when things are not going the way we expect. (Replace WE with ME in all of that). Which is what you have been saying for ages and it took me a long time to understand. It has taken me even longer to be able to truly recognize it.
So now that I have recognized it, what do we do about it? Under ideal circumstances I would say for us to talk it out, to maybe go through the book like we had been doing, try to learn ways to cope/talk to each other in a constructive manner. But now? I would LIKE to do all those things. I would like to be able to talk to you and tell you what I think and what my opinions are etc. But like you said, I don’t think we are there anymore, which just sucks. I WANT to be there! Desperately! So what is puzzling me is 1. Can we get back there? 2. The more pressing question though is; do YOU want to be there?
Concerns with Recommendations:
I am concerned (petrified) with what is going on with us. It is crazy. When two adults (two smart adults) can’t talk about ANYTHING, what the hell is wrong with us? I am scared to death that things are spiraling way out of control. We both like control, or at least order. Things are so chaotic it is not even funny. I recommend with all my heart and soul, that we take a deep breath and try to find a way to talk. I miss you. I don’t mean just physically, I mean in every way. I miss your sense of humor, I miss hearing YOUR opinion on events, hell I miss your gossip! I spend my time in a room not talking to anyone except for the few hours we talk or if the kids call me. I can’t imagine what it would be like to not even have that.
Wishes, Hopes & Dreams:
I HOPE that you are willing to talk. I know that a lot of the issue is that we are so far apart in time zones that it makes it hard as hell. Especially when I don’t sleep well to begin with and then can’t drag my butt out of bed. But I hope that you are willing to give it a shot again. I love you and that is not just me saying that to say it. I mean it from my toes to the top of my head.
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