Okinawa | April 30, 2016

Appreciations:

Good morning “A”, I appreciate you talking to me on the phone for so long and for giving me so much to think about. I don’t like a lot of it, but I appreciate your honest answers and opinions.

New Information:

I have thought a lot about what you said about needing to figure out who I am. I don’t like everything I thought about. I still have some things to figure out; a lot of things, but what I found was that you are dead on with many of the things you think about me. Not all, but more than I would like to admit. So the rub comes in with how to change. A lot of things have become habit. I don’t like homework, so a lot of times when I get off work I will come back to my room and just veg all night. Well, that’s not going to work anymore. There are too many things I have to do to blow off half a day like that. I complain about not having time for some things, but I don’t use the time right. That’s just an example of some of the things I was thinking about.

Puzzles:

So how do I convince you that I’m not doing whatever malicious things you might be thinking I am doing? That I don’t know. It kills me that I have to do it because of breaking down trust and being in ruts for so long.

Concerns with Recommendations:

I am concerned about where we go from here. I am concerned by everything you said and everything that I thought about. I am concerned with not just being able to like who I see in the mirror, but how YOU and the kids see me. I don’t give a rats ass how anyone else sees me.

Wishes, Hopes and Dreams:

I hope that you get everything that you wanted today (shoes, sewing stuff, etc.) and have a good day in general. I miss you and wish I were home. Love me

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