On listening

When I ask you to listen to me and you start by giving advice,
You have not done what I asked.

The art of talking

Effective communication is the cement that holds a relationship together.

Clarifying relationship expectations

It is important to keep your relationship current in the present. The past is history and cannot be changed; the future is uncertain. A relationship thrives or withers in the present.

Warriors to soulmates

From Warrior to Soul Mate is a unique and important program helping many of America’s Veterans strengthen the health of their families.

Separating assumptions from behaviors

All of us bring certain assumptions to our intimate relationships, expectations we don’t have of anyone else. They are specific to those with whom we are closest.  Typical positive expectations include a steady supply of undivided attention, words and gestures of love and caring, loyalty, constancy, sex, companionship, agreement, friendship, fidelity, honesty, trust, respect and…

Becoming non-defensive

What do we have to do to be able to hear complaints or criticism? We first have to be willing to know and to accept ourselves. We really have to believe that we are good enough, lovable, and entitled–entitled to be happy, to make mistakes, and to ask for help. “I am good enough” is…

Feelings and self-disclosure

People usually find they have the most difficulty with identifying and admitting to themselves what they actually feel, and then disclosing their feelings frankly to their partner. This may happen partly because we’ve accepted certain values uncritically from earlier models. Often we adopt attitudes (such as, “It isn’t ladylike to get angry,” and “Only a…

On guilt

Guilt is among the most destructive and devastating of human emotions. Because of its painfulness and its terrible impact on self-worth, guilt inclines one toward suppression, walls and denial. Denial causes dehumanization, a loss of the capacity for empathy for one’s partner or for others, and can manifest itself in a variety of insidious ways….

Effective communication is a requirement for problem solving

Effective communication is a requirement for effective problem solving in an intimate relationship.  While most of us communicate effectively in our work, effectiveness has a different meaning in an intimate relationship.  It is important to explore those different meanings. How we communicate is the problem more often than what we communicate.  If the ways we…

The new rules for relating

As western society moved into the 20th century, we came in with a very clearly prescribed way that males and females in marriage were to behave with one another.