Building Your Love Bank Balance

Get used to letting others know what leaves you feeling cared about, valued and loved at this time of your life. Invite others to do the same.

It’s time to tell the truth about love

The ruse about love woven into the psyche of baby boomers and the generations they reared wrought havoc that forever altered the landscape of America’s families and neighborhoods.

The revolving ledger

You may say, “Prove to me you will not mistreat me as I was in the past” or “Make up to me for what someone else did to me.”

Emotions and the triune brain

Considering the parts and functions of the human brain offers a scientific explanation for the importance of bonding.

Individuation and differentiation

There are some concepts that I have tried to put in simple language, about the emotional development needed for a grownup adult relationship (See Guidelines for Grownups). I’d like to introduce another type of language.  Murray Bowen, a psychiatrist who was Director of the Family Studies Center at Georgetown University, has developed some terminology that…

Stress and the bedroom

Is stress causing problems in your bedroom? How many of the following questions do you answer in the affirmative? Does sex seem like more trouble than it’s worth? Do household chores and office responsibilities get in the way of sexual activity? Do you think about these responsibilities while you are making love? Do you feel…

Warriors to soulmates

From Warrior to Soul Mate is a unique and important program helping many of America’s Veterans strengthen the health of their families.

Emotional levels of maturity

At various times we all function at different levels of maturity. This is particularly true of intimate relationships and often varies markedly from our functioning in the workplace. At different times in close relationships we may function like an emotional infant, child, adolescent or adult depending on the circumstances and our own personality. The chronological…

Behaviors, attitudes and love

When our needs are met, we feel pleasure. When our need for bonding is met, our feeling of pleasure can become attached to the person who meets that need. If one person meets our need for bonding, and perhaps other needs as well, the pleasure intensifies and becomes the feeling we call love. When we…

Joyless, mindless, loveless messages

Based on what happened to us early in life, what we saw and experienced, we made decisions about life that are still operating today. These form our invisible life scripts and control our choices. For example, a young man grew up in a home that was filled with strife and tension. He left home early,…

Relationship guidelines for grown-ups

If you wonder what’s gone wrong in your relationship, examine how well (maturely or immaturely) you are functioning in terms of the following guidelines: Are you able to recognize when you (and/or your partner) are functioning from the “infant”, “child”, “adolescent” and “adult” emotional state? Do you habitually deconfuse the childlike parts of yourself (which…

Three hopes, three fears

When we marry, there are three hopes and three fears. The hopes are that: everything good you have ever had, you will keep everything that you have ever wanted but didn’t have, you will find, and everything bad that ever happened to you will not happen with this person whom you trust, you love, and…

Our secret fears

Most of us walk around with one of two secret fears: I am not lovable, or, I am not good enough. Some of us walk around with both of them.

Developing emotional literacy

Emotional Literacy means an educated person who can read and write emotions – but what does that mean?  And, how do we develop it?

The logic of love and emotion

The feeling of love is an emotion. It is not an obligation, it is not a responsibility, it is not a commitment. Based on the emotion of love, we may make a commitment or take on a responsibility or an obligation. But we can’t promise an emotion.