Emotional levels of maturity

At various times we all function at different levels of maturity. This is particularly true of intimate relationships and often varies markedly from our functioning in the workplace. At different times in close relationships we may function like an emotional infant, child, adolescent or adult depending on the circumstances and our own personality. The chronological…

Behaviors, attitudes and love

When our needs are met, we feel pleasure. When our need for bonding is met, our feeling of pleasure can become attached to the person who meets that need. If one person meets our need for bonding, and perhaps other needs as well, the pleasure intensifies and becomes the feeling we call love. When we…

Joyless, mindless, loveless messages

Based on what happened to us early in life, what we saw and experienced, we made decisions about life that are still operating today. These form our invisible life scripts and control our choices. For example, a young man grew up in a home that was filled with strife and tension. He left home early,…

Relationship guidelines for grown-ups

If you wonder what’s gone wrong in your relationship, examine how well (maturely or immaturely) you are functioning in terms of the following guidelines: Are you able to recognize when you (and/or your partner) are functioning from the “infant”, “child”, “adolescent” and “adult” emotional state? Do you habitually deconfuse the childlike parts of yourself (which…

Three hopes, three fears

When we marry, there are three hopes and three fears. The hopes are that: everything good you have ever had, you will keep everything that you have ever wanted but didn’t have, you will find, and everything bad that ever happened to you will not happen with this person whom you trust, you love, and…

Our secret fears

Most of us walk around with one of two secret fears: I am not lovable, or, I am not good enough. Some of us walk around with both of them.

Developing emotional literacy

Emotional Literacy means an educated person who can read and write emotions – but what does that mean?  And, how do we develop it?

The logic of love and emotion

The feeling of love is an emotion. It is not an obligation, it is not a responsibility, it is not a commitment. Based on the emotion of love, we may make a commitment or take on a responsibility or an obligation. But we can’t promise an emotion.